DEAR DEIDRE   My wife & I had amazing sex when she was an escort but now she’s not interested

DEAR DEIDRE:  I MET my wife when she worked as an escort and I was her client. The sex was amazing then but it’s not any more. We haven’t had sex for a year.

She’s a beautiful woman and she was great at her job. She made me feel special, not just as a lover but as a person as well.

She confided in me that her life had been hard and the last two years in particular had been really tough with the death of her dad through cancer and two of her closest friends in a road accident.

I’m 31 and she’s 29. I paid her for sex for three years before we realised our feelings had grown and we became a couple.

She gave up escorting then but used to go to wife-swapping parties — with my blessing, of course.

That stopped when they found out about her past as an escort and I think that upset her.

We are happy together. I know she loves me and I love her a lot but the big problem is that our sex life has stopped.

I thought she’d feel more secure once we were married and she’d want to have sex once again when she knew I was in it for keeps.

Sadly, it’s not made any difference as far as that goes. All I get is a kiss on the cheek, which is better than nothing, I guess.

We get on better than any other couple I know but I’m struggling to deal with her very low moods. She’s been depressed now for what seems like forever.

She doesn’t get out of bed until lunchtime and she’s back in the bed straight after dinner every night.

I’ve urged her to see her doctor but she says there’s no need and that doctors can’t fix that kind of thing anyway.

I don’t want to make her feel under pressure but I just can’t accept that we’ll never have sex any more.

I’m a red-blooded man and she still turns me on every day.

DEIDRE SAYS:  You’ve married a beautiful woman but I’m not sure you know her that well.

Have you asked her why she sought work as an escort? Or why she wanted to take part in those wife-swapping romps?

I suspect that there’s hurt in her life that goes back a long way, much further than the tragic losses of the last two years.

It seems she has learned to see sex as a commodity in some way, something she uses for gain instead of a way to show love.

I am wondering if she has been the victim of sexual abuse.

Although happily married, she is still feeling pain from the past – her depression is a clue – and you’re right, she needs help.

If she refuses to see a doctor, suggest that talking therapies can help. She can find a therapist through the UK Council for Psychotherapy (psychotherapy.org.uk).